No man is an island. In most of our lives, we will find that growth and lasting success are often a product of the time someone has invested in us.  Likewise, our lasting effect on the world is felt most when we invest time into people and help them develop toward their full potential. Thus, the need for you to have the ability to build relationships.

EFing New Guy

To build a relationship, you must build trust. Often, we assume some level of trust in a new relationship depending on where you meet the new person, but sometimes that trust is misplaced.  Many of us have made the mistake of trusting someone in the wrong manner. The question is not should you trust; it is to what degree should you trust that person, and how do you build trust, so your relationship grows and thrives?

Let us be clear: you should not grow your relationship with toxic people in your personal life. People should have value intrinsically, and you need to see people as more than just resources for you to pull from. Jim Rohn has a famous saying that you will become the average of the five people you hang out with the most. So, choose wisely and fire quickly.

Before you can build trust, you must understand that person and clearly define your relationship. You must communicate the boundaries of the friendship while remaining open for deeper connections. Often, we shy away from this topic; by not having this conversation, assumptions are made, leading to disagreements and even betrayal down the road.

Take the time to understand other and make sure you both know if this is a transactional relationship, acquaintance, or future BFF. When you begin on the same page, building trust becomes much more accessible.

Ways to Build Trust:

Earn It

Don’t assume trust exists. Always work to earn it. When you stop taking trust for granted and prioritize it, you will be conscious of your actions. Make keeping your promises about little things as important as keeping your promises about the big things.  The process of minding the little things takes work. So, take the time to work on your personal growth. Focusing on personal development makes you a solid man and fosters trust and grace in relationships. Gentlemen: reading, listening, counseling, and growth are essential for building trust in your relationships. Do the work.

Be Supportive

It is essential in any relationship to be a supportive force of positivity for another person. It is even more important to show that support when we are in a stage of building trust. If one person does not feel that they can take a risk, be open, make mistakes, or try new things without support, the relationship will stagnate. On the other hand, being supportive in good times and bad show us that someone has our back. Gentlemen, you must draw the line at being an enabler. In simple terms, an enabler is a person that helps another person harm themselves. The harm is often physical, but it can also be emotional, financial, or spiritual. It is hard to build trust with a self-destructive person, and they will pull you down if you let them.     

Learn to give and take

If you expect to get what you want 100% of the time in a relationship, you are not in a relationship. You are a parasite.  Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to ensure a reasonable exchange. Generally, you will have things in common to bond over, use those similarities as jumping-off points to grow and expand. In all relationships, keep your frame but be willing to enter the “wheelhouse” of other people.  This allows you to grow and expand your worldview. You must never lose yourself or who you are aiming to become.

Own who you are

If you have not heard this today, let me be the first to tell you, gentleman, you are awesome right now the way you are. I am here to help you become legendary.   Trust me; legendary is in you.  God put you on earth for a definite purpose as you work to understand that purpose, know that the purpose is in you.  If you are a natural loner, be a loner with solid relationships.  If you are an overweight homebody, work to be a more fit homebody as you build relationships. The world is big, full of all kinds of people, and in general, life is long.  With commitment, work, and proper direction, you can gain all the values and skills to make you the man you want to be.  It starts with you seeing yourself for who you are now and owning it. Now that you own who you are, warts and all, you can set your path to personal greatness.  Trust me; once you accept then resolve to improve yourself, the world will open to you like never before.

Seize the day

I have laid out quick tips on building relationships: earn trust, be supportive, learn to give and take, and own who you are. These principles will sustain you in friendships and romantic relationships to a lesser degree. So, give it a try as you do the work to become the best version of yourself.  Set some goals and make progress every day.  I see you out there, my friend. You are well on your way to becoming legendary. Let’s get back to work.