Legacy Gentleman

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Build Trust: The First Step In building Relationships

Build Trust: The First Step In building Relationships

by | Feb 15, 2022 | Men's

No man is an island. In most of our lives, we will find that growth and lasting success are often a product of the time someone has invested in us.  Likewise, our lasting effect on the world is felt most when we invest time into people and help them develop toward their full potential. Thus, the need for you to have the ability to build relationships.

EFing New Guy

To build a relationship, you must build trust. Often, we assume some level of trust in a new relationship depending on where you meet the new person, but sometimes that trust is misplaced.  Many of us have made the mistake of trusting someone in the wrong manner. The question is not should you trust; it is to what degree should you trust that person, and how do you build trust, so your relationship grows and thrives?

Let us be clear: you should not grow your relationship with toxic people in your personal life. People should have value intrinsically, and you need to see people as more than just resources for you to pull from. Jim Rohn has a famous saying that you will become the average of the five people you hang out with the most. So, choose wisely and fire quickly.

Before you can build trust, you must understand that person and clearly define your relationship. You must communicate the boundaries of the friendship while remaining open for deeper connections. Often, we shy away from this topic; by not having this conversation, assumptions are made, leading to disagreements and even betrayal down the road.

Take the time to understand other and make sure you both know if this is a transactional relationship, acquaintance, or future BFF. When you begin on the same page, building trust becomes much more accessible.

Ways to Build Trust:

Earn It

Don’t assume trust exists. Always work to earn it. When you stop taking trust for granted and prioritize it, you will be conscious of your actions. Make keeping your promises about little things as important as keeping your promises about the big things.  The process of minding the little things takes work. So, take the time to work on your personal growth. Focusing on personal development makes you a solid man and fosters trust and grace in relationships. Gentlemen: reading, listening, counseling, and growth are essential for building trust in your relationships. Do the work.

Be Supportive

It is essential in any relationship to be a supportive force of positivity for another person. It is even more important to show that support when we are in a stage of building trust. If one person does not feel that they can take a risk, be open, make mistakes, or try new things without support, the relationship will stagnate. On the other hand, being supportive in good times and bad show us that someone has our back. Gentlemen, you must draw the line at being an enabler. In simple terms, an enabler is a person that helps another person harm themselves. The harm is often physical, but it can also be emotional, financial, or spiritual. It is hard to build trust with a self-destructive person, and they will pull you down if you let them.     

Learn to give and take

If you expect to get what you want 100% of the time in a relationship, you are not in a relationship. You are a parasite.  Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to ensure a reasonable exchange. Generally, you will have things in common to bond over, use those similarities as jumping-off points to grow and expand. In all relationships, keep your frame but be willing to enter the “wheelhouse” of other people.  This allows you to grow and expand your worldview. You must never lose yourself or who you are aiming to become.

Own who you are

If you have not heard this today, let me be the first to tell you, gentleman, you are awesome right now the way you are. I am here to help you become legendary.   Trust me; legendary is in you.  God put you on earth for a definite purpose as you work to understand that purpose, know that the purpose is in you.  If you are a natural loner, be a loner with solid relationships.  If you are an overweight homebody, work to be a more fit homebody as you build relationships. The world is big, full of all kinds of people, and in general, life is long.  With commitment, work, and proper direction, you can gain all the values and skills to make you the man you want to be.  It starts with you seeing yourself for who you are now and owning it. Now that you own who you are, warts and all, you can set your path to personal greatness.  Trust me; once you accept then resolve to improve yourself, the world will open to you like never before.

Seize the day

I have laid out quick tips on building relationships: earn trust, be supportive, learn to give and take, and own who you are. These principles will sustain you in friendships and romantic relationships to a lesser degree. So, give it a try as you do the work to become the best version of yourself.  Set some goals and make progress every day.  I see you out there, my friend. You are well on your way to becoming legendary. Let’s get back to work.     

Legacy Gentlemen: The Origin Story

Legacy Gentlemen: The Origin Story

by | Jan 17, 2022 | Men's

Pick One: Child Molester, Simp, or Womanizer

Nowadays, it is easier to find a positive depiction of the black plague than a proper gentleman in popular culture. In contrast, I cannot deny that pop culture writers make an excellent point on the worldwide carbon footprint reduction the black plague produced. However, upcoming men, boys, and society are worst off without the stabilizing influence of the classic gentleman. Today we see "toxic masculinity," "deadbeat dads," child molesters, simps, and womanizers all running around being called men. Are these "men" supposed to be our role models? No, thank you, fellas; in fact, boys and young men today are also rejecting them. We all instinctively know that we could be our best selves without putting women down, crushing other people, while fulfilling all of our responsibilities. 

Gentleman vs. Legacy Gentleman

What do we mean by Legacy Gentlemen? First, let us start with the Gentleman part. Today gentleman at best is a term that means nothing special. Many people see gentlemen as interchangeable with "guys," "boys," "homies," "bros," or men. At worst, it conjures the image of the dudes shaking dollar bills at "Gentleman's Club." So, to ensure we are working from the same sheet of music here is a definition. A gentleman is a man with excellent manners, who has an above-average understanding of situational etiquette, keeps his cool in most situations but can respond appropriately if force is necessary, knowledgeable, and capable of many things scholarly and manual, properly courteous, and possessing high moral standards. The above-listed qualities of gentlemen are open-ended and vague because they change over time and are influenced by the popular culture in which the gentleman resides. Also, notice the limiting qualifiers. We are talking about real people who are not perfect and will make mistakes, but perfection is the goal. How is a Legacy Gentleman different? Firstly, all generations Boomers, X, Y, Z, Alpha, and beyond are needed as Legacy Gentlemen. Legacy Gentlemen have the mindset, do the work, and teach the values that 1000 years from now, men, women, and children will look at and say yes, we need more of that in our lives. The quest to build and teach these qualities far and wide is the mission of the Legacy Gentlemen community. Come on this journey with us.

Why This Consumes Me

I am a Black Gen X man born in the Midwest but grew up in Atlanta in the 1990s. I was raised by my divorced mother and my two sisters. So, my positive male role models were the men my mother put in my path: United Way big brother and Boy Scout Masters. Later, the men I put in my path were coaches, teachers, professors, then as an adult; I found mentors. Notice I said positive, meaning people who objectively helped me learn a skill that made the world better and grew my strength, knowledge, or moral sense. Far too often, I ran with and followed the lead of destructive role models. When I did, my life and the people around me were worst off. As I moved to adulthood, then becoming a husband, then father, the positive role models are far and few in-between. Heck, my few positive role models, actors, athletes, singers, and business leaders eventually were shown to be worse than some of the convicted criminals I used to run with in the streets. The realization that the larger-than-life icons failed me and that the everyday heroes are the ones who can make the real difference in the life of children and young adults. I made a commitment to God to be a man of value and principle and to teach those principles to as many people as possible. I want everyone I meet to dress like, speak like, and do the same things the men who changed my life did. This is my passion, raising the standards of behavior for men today to make better men.

In The Pipe and Smoking it

Yes, my goal is to transform every man into a Legacy Gentleman. Every little boy, every teenage young man, every man just starting on their life’s journey, and every grey-bearded man into a Legacy Gentleman. I know this is an enormous task; some might call it a pipe dream. Nevertheless, this is the never-ending mission of Legacy Gentleman. So, I will take this dream and put it in my pipe and smoke it. Please take a second, breathe it in. That is the smell of thoughts, looks, and actions changing into the gold standard, which will last for the next 1000 years. This is going to happen, do not miss the train.